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Twice as Many Second Marriages End in Divorce.The Reason ChildrenTwice as Many Second Marriages End in Divorce.
Are there any problems with the current relationship? If you have any problems in your current relationship, they will only get worse if you get married. Sort out any interpersonal difficulties you have with your partner before you get married. Is your partner emotionally stable? If your partner is highly emotional, nags or is irrational. You are heading for problems. Look at your partner’s relationship with her parents. This may seam strange however, I once came across a mother who blamed her daughter to the loss of the love of her life. Later this mother took delight in doing the same to her daughter. Many women married men who were like there fathers. Do you really want to be that, with all the games a girl plays towards her father, in childhood and puberty? Look at the relationship between the children and you. This is important. If the kids don’t like you before you get together, just imagine what may happen if you get married. Many children resent a new man in mums life, girls as well as boys. Look at the relationship between the children and there biological parent. If you are lucky, they will have a mature responsible parent who loves and cares for them. Sees them often and is mature enough to realise that the break up of the partnership was fifty percent there doing. Moreover, will have no hidden agendas, if not be aware that there will be problems. Look at your partner’s parent’s relationship. Remember that your partner will have observed how to treat her partner by watching how mum does it. She will have learnt how to be a wife or partner by watching mum. If her mum is a nagging, bitching, wining woman who manipulates her partner and you have noticed or encouraged this in your own relationship, you will be in for trouble when any kind of relationship stress happens. Look at your relationship with other family members. There are many unresolved issues with in families, and you will become part of them. How you interact with other family members on your partner’s side will play a large part in events under times of stress and anxiety. Her family may also be running hidden agendas. At times of stress, it is not unknown for less advanced souls to meddle in other peoples affairs in order to gain a sense of power. Just to get back at them for something that happened years before. Many sisters will have sex with there sisters boy friends or husbands just to get back at there sister. How close to the menopause is your partner? The menopause is a dramatic time in any woman’s life, there will be very big changes in her mental emotional and physical states and any instability in her make up is going to be magnified. The woman you love your soul mate can turn into an alien over a very short period, and her behaviour may completely change. Sometimes forever. This will have a dramatic effect on your relationship and other relationship you will have with in the family. Be assured that the children will take every advantage of the situation. Any incongruence in your relationship will be picked up on, and used to the children’s advantage. How close are the children to puberty? Puberty is a very difficult time for most parents; your children will change in a big way emotionally psychologically and of course physically. You need to be prepared for some major up sets in the family and they will be different for each of your stepchildren male and female. Your survival in the family will depend on how prepared for this event you and your partner are, and how close you are with your partner. Get your partner to do this list. If she is a responsible loving caring person she will do this, if how ever she will not then go back to step one. Are there any problems with the current relationship? © Paul Hastings 2005
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